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EnviroLink Forum :: View topic - Comedic attempt to redefine terms
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Comedic attempt to redefine terms
http://www.envirolink.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=24176
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Author:  Milton Banana [ Sun Mar 17, 2013 10:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Comedic attempt to redefine terms

My advice for any essay is to know your terms. Let me help.

Glossary of Climate terms

Term or phrase = Translation

See Bloggs et al 2003 = One day we might read it too

Bloggs 2009= Hoped you wouldn't mention that

Global = Bits of the Northern Hemisphere studied

Regional = Our map

Ocean acidity = Ocean alkalinity

Increasing acidity = Reduced alkalinity

Low pH seawater = Seawater with hydrochloric acid added

High pH seawater = Seawater with no acid added

High morbidity = Buggers don't like acid.

W/M^2 = Watts per square meter

Watt = One joule per second

Watts = That damn blogger

Rainbow Bridge= It is possible to piss off the French

Proxy= Tree rings, ice cores or sediments

Tree rings= The "lonesome pine"

Yamal= A few "lonesome pines"

The Hockey Stick= Two graphs for the price of one

"Nature trick"= A surreptitious grafting operation

Statistical technique= Smooth the hell out of it

Uniform priors= Dunno, just smooth the hell out of it

Mediaeval Warm Period= We got rid of that (see Statistical technique)

Little Ice Age= An urban myth (see Statistical technique)

Roman Warm Period= Man, that was, like, ages ago

Sediment density plot= You mean it's that way up?

Ice cores= Compressed ice layers with minute amounts of trapped air

CO2 in ice cores= 0.03% of the minute amounts of trapped air

Ice core proxy= A scientific myth

97% of scientists= 97% of 77 scientists

Almost all scientists= The ones we know who agree with us

All scientists= The Hockey Team

Author:  Wayne Stollings [ Sun Mar 17, 2013 11:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: International essay contests featuring environmentalism

If you follow that "scientific" advice, you will be able to follow the radical conservative's version of "science", which is whatever they make up at the time to try to make a point. To follow real science you will not need such uninformed "translations".

Author:  Milton Banana [ Sun Mar 17, 2013 11:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: International essay contests featuring environmentalism

Round two.

IPCC= An exclusive club for retired railway engineers

IPCC review stage= Fixing spelling mistakes & checking for 2035

IPCC report= Vast report written by 97% of scientists and WWF

WWF= World Wide Fund for Nature, depending on the size of the collecting tin

WWF reports= Magazine articles and telephone interviews

Greenpeace= Misguided geeks with a multi-million budget

Environmentalist= The clue's in the mentalist bit

Row-to-the-Pole= Dragging a heavy boat over the ice to nowhere near the Pole

Consensus= The bane of true science and research

Peer review= Pal review or a favour repaid

Science reporter= Reject from the sports desk

Environmental reporter= Reject from the fashion desk

Climate-change reporter= Teaboy who was gettin' just too smart

Natural variability= Our models don't work

Uncertainty= We don't know why our models don't work

Almost certain= There's a definite possibility

Very likely= We believe it anyway

Could= Probably won't

May= Almost certainly won't

Possible= Unlikely

Might= Definitely won't

Slightly lower trend= No trend

Flattened off= Declined

Downward spiral= Slow decline

Obvious trend= Well I can see it

Rapid increase= Slight upward trend

Continued warming= Cooling

Rapid warming= Some warming

Projection= Best guess (see "Climate model" below)

Best estimate= Guess

Best guess= We don't know

Guess= We're sure we don't know

Author:  Wayne Stollings [ Sun Mar 17, 2013 11:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: International essay contests featuring environmentalism

Too bad the peanut gallery is impacting a serious thread, but ignorance is all some have to try to counter real science.

Author:  Milton Banana [ Sun Mar 17, 2013 11:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: International essay contests featuring environmentalism

Round three.

We don't know= Oh God our help in ages past

Good understanding= As far as we know

Low understanding= Zero understanding

Poor understanding= We'll shake the dice

Indeterminate= Even we couldn't fudge it

Correlation= The plots are almost the same shape

Good correlation= If you tilt your head to the right and squint

Zero correlation= The "hockey stick" (q.v.) graph

More research needed= Keep the funding coming in

Detailed research= The new guy is very good (Marcott)

Unprecedented= Take our word for it

Caveat= Must mention global warming

Rebutted= Didn't mention global warming

Temperature dataset= Readings from airport runways and A/C vents

Urban heat island= The temperature of asphalt and concrete

Summer= Global warming

Winter= Natural variability

Precipitation= Rain, snow, and what flies off fans

Snow= See it while you can

Rain= A good thing

Flood= Too much of a good thing

Tornadoes= Never seen 'em before this year

Weather= What we're getting today

Extreme weather = What we often got before

Climate= Last week in Austin, Texas

Living memory= The last ten years

Since records began= Since we first had the internet

Mean sea-level= The sea's always pretty mean

Sea-level rise= The tide's coming in


Extreme sea-level rise= The tide's coming in real fast

Future sea-level rise= Gotta up the ante

Extreme sea-level rise= We ain't gonna need street-cleaners

Climate model= A form of computerized astrology

Author:  Johhny Electriglide [ Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Comedic attempt to redefine terms

Maybe Bananas Milty has a brain tumor. =P~ :razz: :twisted:
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_an ... ument.html

He certainly likes to cut down and name call climate scientists and environmentalists. [-X #-o :evil:
:mrgreen:
You are NOT being funny, but on a bad roll. Get off it, or get out, or both. Go back to the open forum, at least we are mostly allies there. This whole thread should be deleted. [-X [-o< :-& :crazy: :x

Author:  Milton Banana [ Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Immaculate thread.

This is a first. A thread not of my making. I think its great. Now the gods of environment have directed me to keep in comic. Everyone knows if it really funny an element of truth must by employed. Which is what I have been doing here. Okay. No problem. This really opens up future comedy bits too. But, I still need to help out AF2. Continuing on with glossary and terms= translations.

Regional climate model= A less accurate form of climate model

Multiple models= One of them might be right

Multiple model runs= We picked the results we wanted

Model averages= A total nonsense

Model verification= We'll get around to it someday

Solar radiation= What the hell's the sun got to do with it?

Sunspots Damn= I've gone blind in one eye

Sunspot cycle= The latest model with GPS and everything

No - the Sunspot cycle= Oh - wiggles up an' down, doesn't do much

ENSO= We don't do ocean cycles

Carbon cycle= The "missing sink" is there somewhere

Arctic warming= It might be a bit less cold there

Antarctic warming= A bit less cold at the tip of the peninsula

Ice shelf collapse= Mind you, we never looked before....

Glacier= A mega-version of what's in your gin-an'-tonic

Melting glaciers= The very few studied; i.e. all of them

Author:  Johhny Electriglide [ Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Comedic attempt to redefine terms


Author:  Milton Banana [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 12:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Comedic attempt to redefine terms


Author:  Johhny Electriglide [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 1:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Comedic attempt to redefine terms

The Mod got rid of your junk in the thread on writing a college essay.
"certainly likes to cut down and name call climate scientists and environmentalists." That SHOULD get you banned, but Wayne seems to like wasting bandwidth on useless arguments with denialists.

We need a Steady State World Economy-----years ago!!!
The thing people as a whole don't get is how much emissions reductions must be done and how fast to avoid the worst possible outcome, an extinction of nearly 90% of life on Earth, including humans. HGHG emissions MUST reduce, by what ever means it takes, 90% in 3 to 11 years max, or that worst case is what faces future generations. 70% is from burning fossil fuels(40% COAL, 30% OIL) and 27% from slash and burn agriculture, and 3% from too many farm animals.
Other human pollution and depletion is bad, but not on this scale of consequences. It is already really, in all practical logic, to stop the human population die-off starting even as early as the 2030s and for sure by the late 2040s---after crossing tipping points of unstoppable natural positive feedback loops if emissions are not reduced enough in time. The pitiful survivors will face increasingly more miserable life as AETM approaches.
That is a higher morality that people must attain, where sustainability becomes a Holy Word and future generations mean more than the extra people and over use of resources now. A morality that decreasing emissions enough in time is the most important thing anyone, any group, any country, or any corporation can do. Education to reduce these emissions and still survive, get rid of selfish greed, and get rid of other beliefs and behaviors that hold humanity back from achieving the goal of continued life for ours and most other species.

Author:  Fosgate [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: International essay contests featuring environmentalism


Author:  Wayne Stollings [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: International essay contests featuring environmentalism


Author:  Fosgate [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 9:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: International essay contests featuring environmentalism


Author:  Milton Banana [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 5:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: International essay contests featuring environmentalism


Author:  Wayne Stollings [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 6:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: International essay contests featuring environmentalism


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