I'm going to write these with many details and as a story, so that you understand why i tough it was love not lust.
I do believe in love at first sight, actually it already happened to me.
I felt in love five years ago, and i risk to say that i'm still in love for that person. We went to the same high school and it was my first year when i saw him. I lost myself in his eyes, all i could see was his eyes, it almost seemed that he could see right trough me. I felt instantly in love and only then i saw his figure. He was tall, tanned, skinny, had blue eyes, freckles and blonde hair (not natural blond hair it was burnt by the sun because he was a surfer). He was not my type of man. My type of man had always been a guy with more meat on his bones, with that teddy bear face, brown/black hair and brown eyes. Also he was not the finnest guy there, right beside him was his best friend that was DAMN HOT!!! I MEAN REALLY HOT!! those kind of guys that make you droll whenever you see them. So i think it was for his physiques that i felt for him...
As the days went by all the times i saw him i had all the typical syntoms of a person who had fall in love. My heart beated fast, i sweat, i had butterflies on my stomach, my legs trembled and i went super happy just because i saw him. As the time passed by i gained courage to introduce myself, but we rarely spoke, because he was a year older and he's friends didn't like me (i still don't know why). But soon i realized that i could found him wherever he was. Whenever he passed behind me i would sensed it and immediatilly looked back. I was always passing by him in the corridors, and the school patio, when i concentrated i would know exactly were he was and went there as if i was hipnotized. I even knew what belong to him! (one day i passed a wall in my school, that had lots of art works, i didn't knew from what class it was and even didn't knew his style and i instinctevily knew that one of those drawings was made by him, and i knew what it was, later i confirmed with him and i was right). This antena of mine didn't only function on school but in the city as well. I had days were i encountered him several times in very distinctive places. I could only think of him even though we weren't friends.
Even though we didn't knew each other he started changing because of me, because what i liked in a guy, one day he even walked all over the other edge of the beach (and it's a very long one) because a friend of mine told him i was there. He even broke up with a girlfriend of his because me ( i know this because they broke right in front of me, i cumplimented me and his girlfriend just started screaming "it's always her! i hate her! why do you like her so much! you don't even know her!"). But even all this happened when i confessed my love to him he told me that we should be friends first. After that two weeks later classes ended and he changed school in another city. When he went to my city on summer i would always encounter and i would always feel the same. Know five years have passed, and he still feel this way. I have his e-mail bue we rarely talk... I guess i'm afraid that if i try to approach him more he will ran away. We have a strange relation. I tell him everythin and he tells me everything too as if we were old buddies, but at the same time we were never friends. We never went out together or talked more than 15 minutes face to face, but despite that he gaved me his calendar, told me he wanted to me to be his sister friend and even said that he would like to go out someday. But none of those things happened.
When i talk to him i feel happy, and light and very optmistic. I don't think it's lust at all. I just don't understand why did i had to feel for a guy that was never mine and will never be. I would like to be his friend now, but i don't know how to approach him. If you have any ideas tell me please
Sorry for the poor english, and for writing such a long reply. I think i also had to take this weight of my chest.
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