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PostPosted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 3:13 pm 
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• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.



• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.



• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.



• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.



• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.



• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.



• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.



• War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.



• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.



• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse always gets the cheese.



• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.



• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of a pool and throw them fish.



• I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted paychecks.



• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "In an emergency, notify:" I always put, "DOCTOR."



• I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.



• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but always check when you say the paint is wet?



• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a baldhead and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.



• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.



• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You definitely need a parachute to skydive twice.



• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some darned good ideas!



• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.



• Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.



• I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.



• There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.



• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.



• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water.



• You're never too old to learn something stupid.



• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.



• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.



• Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.



• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 7:52 am 
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Hmmmmmm.....


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:24 pm 
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There's the tomato thing again.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:26 pm 
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You say tomato I say sliced vegetable fruit ....

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“Intellect is invisible to the man who has none”
Arthur Schopenhauer


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:28 am 
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Hmmmmmmm...


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:35 am 
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Wayne Stollings wrote:
You say tomato I say sliced vegetable fruit ....


Call 'em what ya want! I really don't care so long as I can slice 'em, sprinkle with greek seasoning, and eat 'em on buttered toast with thick sliced peppered bacon. =P~

Things that make me say mmmmm

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:14 am 
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I used to eat my grandmother's HUGE "Mortgage Lifter" tomato sandwiches, which were only thick slabs cut off a tomato, put on a slice of homemade bread (usually extending over all sides), with a slather of mayo and some salt. Had to eat over the sink or outside as they were sooooo juicy.




http://store.tomatofest.com/Mortgage_Li ... f-0324.htm

Developed by M.C. Byles in the 1930’s, this heirloom tomato remains very much in demand in the Mid-Atlantic states. Mr. Byles, affectionately known as "Radiator Charlie" earned his nickname from the radiator repair business he opened at the foot of a steep hill on which trucks would often overheat. Radiator Charlie, who had no formal education or plant breeding experience, created this legendary tomato by cross-breeding four of the largest tomatoes he was able to find and developed a stable variety after six years of pollination and selection. He then sold his heirloom tomato plants for one dollar each (in the 1940’s) and paid off the six thousand dollar mortgage on his house in six years. It is said that each spring, gardeners drove as far as 200 miles to buy Charlie’s seedling tomatoes. The large, slightly flattened, pink-red fruits that range from 1 pound to more than 3 pounds, are meaty, very flavorful and have few tomato seeds.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:29 am 
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Dang, those are some big'uns! I wonder if he crossed a little pumpkin in there somewhere. Hey, pumpkin, veggie or fruit? 8)

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:40 pm 
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The mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open.

children say what adults think.

A creation of importance can only be produced when the author isolates himself, it is a child of solitude.

age merely shows what children we remain.

If it wasn't for mental disorder true art and poetry would never exist.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:44 pm 
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Fosgate wrote:
Wayne Stollings wrote:
You say tomato I say sliced vegetable fruit ....


Call 'em what ya want! I really don't care so long as I can slice 'em, sprinkle with greek seasoning, and eat 'em on buttered toast with thick sliced peppered bacon. =P~

Things that make me say mmmmm


Given half the chance I'm sure those pigs would like your buttered toast instead of hogging it all to yourself!


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:59 pm 
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This thread makes me hungry...

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 3:36 pm 
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Hmmmmmm...


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:31 am 
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We avoid risks in life so we can make it safely to death
Even a clock that doesn't work is right twice a day

If your in a vehicle going the peed of light what happens when you turn on the head lights?
If the early bird gets the worm, doesn't the early worm get eaten?

MOST IMPORTANTLY...
If tomatoes are a fruit, isn't ketchup technically a smoothie?


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 3:39 pm 
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Quote:
If your in a vehicle going the peed of light what happens when you turn on the head lights?


Nothing, though peeing in the cigarette lighter might have an effect regardless of how light or dark one's pee is.

Quote:
If the early bird gets the worm, doesn't the early worm get eaten?


The moral to the story is to not only be early, but to be an early predator.
Quote:
MOST IMPORTANTLY...
If tomatoes are a fruit, isn't ketchup technically a smoothie?


Not unless you mix it thoroughly with crushed ice.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 4:45 pm 
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Fosgate wrote:
Quote:
MOST IMPORTANTLY...
If tomatoes are a fruit, isn't ketchup technically a smoothie?

Not unless you mix it thoroughly with crushed ice.


and vodka with a dash of woostishre ... werstishire ... tobasco sauce.

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With friends like Guido, you will not have enemies for long.

“Intellect is invisible to the man who has none”
Arthur Schopenhauer


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein


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