EnviroLink Forum

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own,
grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit?We have forbidden fruit?Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"
" No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you? " said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it! " Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"
AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

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I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. - Mother Theresa

That's for damn sure. Awhile back I was playing SOCOM and got hit with a grenade,at which my youngest(2yo) yelled "BULLSHIT" as loud as he could.

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We do what we must because we can,for the good of all of us....except the ones that are dead.

ROFL! That is funny. One of the first phrases my little girl learned to say was G*d d*mnit. I had to come up with some creative thinking for explaining that one.. especially to my mother, although it was kind of worth it to see the look on mom's face when my little girl said that.

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I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. - Mother Theresa

My mom would tell the story of me asking for "goats milk" to drink when they were having dinner with the minister. They tried to tell me the milk I had was goats milk but I knew better. My mom finally had to explain that my uncles had given me beer and told me I was drinking goats milk. I was all of 2 at the time and she was mortified... but not the last time I did that to her from what I am told.

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With friends like Guido, you will not have enemies for long.

“Intellect is invisible to the man who has none”
Arthur Schopenhauer

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein

Kids are supposed to embarass their folks. Or so I've been told.. lord knows that <<I>> would never do that.

Gotta love people who give kids booze. My dad's buddies used to give us girls sips of their drinks. I think we had our first hangovers before we turned two.

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I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. - Mother Theresa

My favorite pass time is to embarrass my children. I used to love when our boys would walk through the mall with us but try to walk far enough away from us to look like we were not together. When some of their friends we knew would approach them I would quickly turn around and say "Strange child, whom I have never seen before in my life, would you like for me to buy you food and drink at the food court or some clothes a this store?" They would look like they wanted to crawl into a crack at times ... but it was so much fun.

Of course I get to pay for the therapy now too ....

_________________
With friends like Guido, you will not have enemies for long.

“Intellect is invisible to the man who has none”
Arthur Schopenhauer

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein

My kids are so going to hate you for giving me ideas.

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I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. - Mother Theresa