EnviroLink Forum

Community • Ecology • Connection
It is currently Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:18 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 9 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Jokes and such
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 9:43 am 
Offline
EnviroLink Volunteer
EnviroLink Volunteer
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 10:45 pm
Posts: 20603
Location: Southeastern US
An Arab Sheik was admitted to St Vincents Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case it was found to be required during the procedure.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to other hospitals.

Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars.

A couple of days later the sheik had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the sheik sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies.

The Scotsman was shocked that the sheik this time did not reciprocate his gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the sheik and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies".

To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins".

_________________
With friends like Guido, you will not have enemies for long.

“Intellect is invisible to the man who has none”
Arthur Schopenhauer


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jokes and such
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 9:46 am 
Offline
EnviroLink Volunteer
EnviroLink Volunteer
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 10:45 pm
Posts: 20603
Location: Southeastern US
Proof That The World Is Nuts!


In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different in reverse?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins,who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

(No golf clubs....I hear a 3 iron works well.)

The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, hermother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.

(Is this a great country or what?)

(Well, not as great as Guam!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of ???)

(Did our government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Thank you all for reading this.
*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam!!

_________________
With friends like Guido, you will not have enemies for long.

“Intellect is invisible to the man who has none”
Arthur Schopenhauer


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jokes and such
PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 2:58 pm 
Offline
Member with over 1000 posts!
Member with over 1000 posts!

Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2008 7:59 pm
Posts: 1348
A Scotsman walking through the field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman shouts 'Away ye feel hoor thats full oa coos sharn'

(Don't drink the water it is full of cow s***]

The man shouts back 'I'm English, speak English, I don't understand you'.

The Scotsman shouts back 'use both hands, you'll get more in'.

As Americans may not realise until now the Scots tend not to like us English even though I love the Scottish as a race.

Such is life. :-({|=

But there is one thing I'm sure on in this hell on earth. I don't know whether it can be classed as an axiom but laughter is the best medicine.

Good joke Wayne by the way.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jokes and such
PostPosted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 7:54 pm 
Offline
EnviroLink Volunteer
EnviroLink Volunteer
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 10:45 pm
Posts: 20603
Location: Southeastern US
Image

_________________
With friends like Guido, you will not have enemies for long.

“Intellect is invisible to the man who has none”
Arthur Schopenhauer


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jokes and such
PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 8:00 pm 
Offline
EnviroLink Volunteer
EnviroLink Volunteer
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 10:45 pm
Posts: 20603
Location: Southeastern US
Irony thy name is also humor ....

Image

_________________
With friends like Guido, you will not have enemies for long.

“Intellect is invisible to the man who has none”
Arthur Schopenhauer


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jokes and such
PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 11:42 pm 
Offline
Member with over 1000 posts!
Member with over 1000 posts!

Joined: Wed May 28, 2008 12:42 am
Posts: 1352
Wayne Stollings wrote:
Irony thy name is also humor ....

Image



Exactly!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jokes and such
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 11:12 am 
Offline
Member with over 1000 posts!
Member with over 1000 posts!
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 12:59 am
Posts: 2314
Location: Central Colorado
>>>Humans were not native to the Americas, and that is no joke.<<< They came here from Europe(France/Spain Atlantic along ice pack 25-18K BP) then from North Asia (after moving from Europe---along island chains 16K BP then an opening in the glaciers, 12K BP to 7K BP) ). Solutrians who split into 5 genotypes, the first split became "white" people 35K years ago. The last split became Mongolians. Only Cherokees as a tribe had all 5 genotypes in them from mixing with Vikings after 1002 AD. A "white" tribe did come from Asia 9K years BP but were wiped out in WA state in an early genocide. The types split apart, fought a lot and interbred(not always agreeably!).<<
If I was young, I would move to Guam! :mrgreen:

_________________
"With every decision, think seven generations ahead of the consequences of your actions" Ute rule of life.
“We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children”― Chief Seattle
“Those Who Have the Privilege to Know Have the Duty to Act”…Albert Einstein


Last edited by Johhny Electriglide on Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jokes and such
PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:38 pm 
Offline
Member with over 1000 posts!
Member with over 1000 posts!
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 12:59 am
Posts: 2314
Location: Central Colorado
Joke??? A Disbarred Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist and a Black Guy walk into a BAR.





Bartender asks....
"What'll it be, Mr. President?"

_________________
"With every decision, think seven generations ahead of the consequences of your actions" Ute rule of life.
“We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children”― Chief Seattle
“Those Who Have the Privilege to Know Have the Duty to Act”…Albert Einstein


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Jokes and such
PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 3:12 am 
Offline
Member with over 1000 posts!
Member with over 1000 posts!
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 12:59 am
Posts: 2314
Location: Central Colorado
Johhny Electriglide wrote:
Joke??? Unfortunately more truth than fiction.

A Disbarred Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist and a Black Guy walk into a BAR.





Bartender asks....
"What'll it be, Mr. President?"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_sY2rjxq6M

>>>Humans were not native to the Americas, and that is NO JOKE.<<< They came here from Europe(France/Spain Atlantic along ice pack 25-18K BP) then from North Asia (after moving from Europe---along island chains 16K BP then an opening in the glaciers, 12K BP to 7K BP) ). Solutrians who split into 5 genotypes, the first split became "white" people 35K years ago. The last split became Mongolians. Only Cherokees as a tribe had all 5 genotypes in them from mixing with Vikings after 1002 AD. A "white" tribe did come from Asia 9K years BP but were wiped out in WA state in an early (racial) genocide. The types split apart, fought a lot and interbred(not always agreeably!).<<

Ha, ha :-#

_________________
"With every decision, think seven generations ahead of the consequences of your actions" Ute rule of life.
“We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children”― Chief Seattle
“Those Who Have the Privilege to Know Have the Duty to Act”…Albert Einstein


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 9 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Yahoo [Bot] and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group