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EnviroLink Forum • View topic - What a waste ....

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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:05 am 
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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:05 am 
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This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's butt with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His butt?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's butt, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the snot out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His butt."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the butt?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's butt with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's butt often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the snot out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's butt, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's butt for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's butt He'll kick the snot out of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss His butt?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His butt. Other times we kiss Karl's butt, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's butt. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His butt, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

From the Desk of Karl

1.Kiss Hank's butt and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2.Use alcohol in moderation.
3.Kick the snot out of people who aren't like you.
4.Eat right.
5.Hank dictated this list Himself.
6.The moon is made of green cheese.
7.Everything Hank says is right.
8.Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9.Don't use alcohol.
10.Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11.Kiss Hank's butt or He'll kick the snot out of you.

Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the snot out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 7 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary: She blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary: She faints.

John: He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the snot out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's butt for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.

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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:13 am 
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Moral of the story:

Christ has died for the world's sins, so don't worry about suarkraut.

Thought I'd help you with that story, Wayne. :angel: O:)


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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:28 am 
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TANG SOO!


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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 12:20 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 1:08 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 6:08 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 9:22 am 
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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 12:34 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:00 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:58 pm 
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I think I will go kick Hank's butt! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 6:58 am 
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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:07 am 
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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 6:11 am 
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The part PO57288 (or at least the part next to the number), the bit above the triger where the grips on the bottom of the barrel engage with the body of the pistol, is connected to the slide by the slide being attached to the body of the gun. The diagram shows no direct connection between the slide and the barrel. Even if there was on an old gun whcih had had to have additional screws fitted to keep the thing together the two parts could have been pulled slightly appart by the event of the bullet's momentum being transferd to the barrel. Something like a hammer blow.

I would strongly advise you to never use the thing again and always clean any weapon after using it making sure to use the appropriate specialist wire brush to clean deposits of explosive residue from inside the barrel. Cleaning before might be a good idea as well.

You can see why there is an impression of Americans being well meaning triger happy idiots in the world.


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 Post subject: Re: What a waste ....
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 7:59 am 
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The slide fits into groves on the receiver and cannot be removed other than going forward or backward on a plane parallel to the receiver. The barrel fits inside the slide and prevents it from being removed once the barrel bushing is installed and rotated so the lugs lock into place. The design is similar to most pistols to allow them to be field stripped without the need for tools. The barrel bushing prevents the barrel from moving up or down due to it being attached to the slide, which has the aforementioned groves. The barrel cannot ,move forward or backward due to the groves in the receiver that interlock with groves in the barrel. It has to be removed vertically, which is prevented by the connection to the slide. When the weapon is fired the slide is forced back by a small portion of the force generated by the gunpowder as the bullet is projected out the barrel. When the slide is forced back the expended casing is ejected and when the slide slams home it carries another bullet with it to engage in the chamber and is then ready to fire. When fired there is an amount of force generated to push the bullet out of the barrel at high speed. In this case there was insufficient force to do that and the slug did not exit the barrel. Thus, there was less force exerted on the weapon than usual, not more. The slug is scored all around by the rifling of the barrel which creates resistance and in this case there was more resistance than force. I had to put some pressure on the slug to push it out of the barrel, which is why it was dangerous. A second slug impacting it would have blocked the barrel and the energy would have been redirected, probably toward the rear of the weapon where my hand was.

The pistol was checked by a military gunsmith prior to being brought home, my grandfather had it checked by a local gunsmith prior to giving it to me, but I have not had it checked since. I have fired military Model 1911A's still in use that literally rattled when shaken while this pistol is still tight as a drum.

As for the impression you mention, many impressions based upon ignorance are often incorrect and given your "in depth" knowledge of how a firearm works, I believe there is sufficient ignorance exhibited.

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With friends like Guido, you will not have enemies for long.

“Intellect is invisible to the man who has none”
Arthur Schopenhauer


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
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